It's interesting…how some people find it (happiness) on the first try (or else are darned good actors) and how some people embark on an endless journey looking for it…I guess as of now I'm in the second category. Perhaps this is still the "Quarter-Lifer's Struggle" syndrome that I'm experiencing. Having graduated from college and then meeting the anxiety of the real world…That I'm responsible for my own happiness…
It's terrifying, and with social media shoving the constant "Look at me and how happy I am" posts down your throat per each of your thousand friends, it's tough. Secretly, you groan every time a new "I'M ENGAGED LOOK AT MY FABULOUS RING" post surfaces or worse, an "OMG, I JUST GOT THE JOB I'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR" post or "LOOK AT MY BABY TAKING HER FOOD AND THROWING IT ON MOMMY'S FACE" post… It almost sends your fingers racing to the "deactivate account" button.
But, then another problem… Perhaps that irritation is jealousy. Seeing 90 of your FB friends post that they're planning their wedding while you cry at home wondering when it'll happen for you after watching a fairy tale…no bueno. Or wondering how so-and-so got the dream job when they slacked off all through college, cheating their way to barely-passing grades while you worked tirelessly, endlessly, aggressively and sit through mediocre…Yes; it's actually jealousy. And the thoughts of "What does she/he have that I don't have? When will it happen for me? Why can't I just be happy? What more do I have to do?" I'm sick of these thoughts…and after talking to some other 20-somethings…I realize that I'm not at all alone! I'm reading forums about it…and now I have books coming to my doorstep this week about it…For most people, it seems, their 20s are no picnic…And that gives me relief. (I'm starting Christine Hassler's 20 Something Manifesto and A Quarter-Life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction when they ship this week. I also have Jenny Blake's Life After College on my list.)
So…I decided that I'm going to work tirelessly to achieve my own happiness. I'm going to force the happiness into manifestation and cheer on the people who have found theirs (or are just darned good actors)… I won't settle for the feigned happiness; I won't fall victim to the Impostor Syndrome…and if it isn't working for me…I'll just move on…Simple enough? Amazingly, it isn't!
But…if it means working full-time to be happy, then I'll just have a second job for the rest of my life. As of now…I'll be redirecting this blog to focus on this journey…..this hard-pressed, lifelong journey that is highlighted by a four-hour cooking class that sends me away with a renewed sense of self, or the awesome work my dog did in group class one week or the professional conference that I'm going to in New York in a month, or the trip to the nail salon with my nieces…Whatever it takes….
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